Burger & Lobster

Just because people talk about Justin Bieber all the time doesn't go to say that he's a decent bloke. A PR machine with an unfounded ego who delivers tasteless over-priced performances to an over-excited crowd. I think you know where I'm going here... 

It's just one of those places isn't it? 

A lot has been said about Dean Street's Burger & Lobster, mostly mixed reviews, but I thought I should give it a test-drive and see what all the chat was about...

Despite the fact that it was the Tuesday after the Easter bank holiday, the place was still absolutely heaving. A crowded bar and a full service meant for a great atmosphere - it had an American steak or rib-shack vibe to it. Time to get excited, order a drink and look through the menu... Or not. No menus in this joint, forcing us to fully interact and engage with our waitress. How dare they?! 

I've read many reviews of this place and most of them applaud the knowledge and passion of the staff by the fact that they know the menu off by heart. I admire it when restaurant staff have an in-depth knowledge of the menu, an opinion, and most importantly a good memory, but when their spiel consists of nothing more than what's about to follow, then I'm not exactly overawed: 'Good evening, welcome to Burger & Lobster. On the menu today we have burger and er, well, lobster. On the specials board we have more lobster, but if you don't have deeper pockets than from where these guys were caught from, then I won't waste my breath on you'. But what did I expect?

Seeing as there were four of us we decided on one grilled lobster, one burger and one of the pay-by-the-pound lobsters on the specials board (just to at least pretend to the waitress that we thought she did a good sales pitch). 

With the burger and grilled lobster at £20 a pop, we were expecting something pretty special. God only knows what we were going to be charged for the big chap on the board, but at least our host introduced us to him in the tank before he was sent out back. 

Now here's where my hunch began to form. Where in the world are you expected to pay the same price for a burger as you do a lobster?! Yes it creates ease of choice and speed of service, but 20 quid for a burger! This better be good.

Whilst waiting for our food I nipped to the gents, only to find that on my way there I got the benefit of some quick feet drills trying to dodge the army of staff that seemed to gather and move around like a shoal of fish. There were bloody hundreds of them, all with a slightly confused face on them. Perhaps they were trying to recite the menu over and over in their head whilst approaching each table? Either way, the realisation that this place was a money-making machine suddenly hit me. Not only do they have an army of staff, but the venue is enormous. But they've earn't it right? The food is exquisite... Right?

So the food finally came out and I have to admit it was a spectacle: A HUGE grilled lobster was placed in the middle of the table alongside a surprisingly large burger. This was accompanied by another - smaller - steamed lobster as well as a bowl of chips each, of which were unlimited. 

So into the burger we dove, expecting a sloppy, greasy and delicious mess. I'm afraid not. Two words: Dry and Bland. For the first time ever in a restaurant I genuinely felt insulted. Created by the founders of the infamous and well-respected steak restaurant Goodman, I expected a certain level of quality at £20 and I'm afraid that they delivered well below par on this. 

The lobster itself was impressive in its appearance, but it certainly wasn't the best I'd ever tasted. It was slightly tough and lacked that lightness that you would expect. However I'm all for alternative dining experiences and I really enjoyed hacking, picking and snapping my way through the poor fellow I only just met about 10 minutes earlier. The conversation and laughter it creates when everyone dives in with their tools - each with own technique of dissecting the lobster - is the reason why I can't help but love an experience like this. 

All in all however I was deeply unimpressed. The whole experience - in theory - is great, but how can you charge that much money and not deliver a certain level of quality? I'd be interested to see how many of the people who were in the packed restaurant were visiting for a second time. I can't imagine it was too many. 

Am I uncultured? Am I a cynical tosser? Am I a cheapskate? Perhaps. But morning after receipt-checks and post-digestion analysis on the dunny the next morning confirms that I would have been better off if I had played a game of thumb wars against one of those unfortunate crustaceans. 

But I have to take my hat off to them. They've created a monster.