The Ups & Downs Of Homemade Pies

Unlike most blogs you may read, the author is now going to confess that he is by no means qualified to write this post. This based on the simple fact that I have never successfully cooked a homemade pie from scratch.

This is gutting for me because I love pies. Pukka Pies, Pieminister, Melton Mowbray, you name it, I've tried it. But trust me when I tell you this: Mary Berry would corpse if she saw me bake. 

The monstrosity that you have been exposed to above is the result of my last baking-related expedition. The dark brown one was supposed to be steak and Guinness pie, and the light brown / beige mixture in the foreground should have been a spiced chorizo and chicken pie. Talk about when the all time plan backfires on you...

It all started in the pub - where most bad ideas are born - on a cold early-autumn Saturday. My mate and I decided that we would comfort ourselves by freestyling two pies from scratch. Now with the wisdom of hindsight; the mixture of copious amounts of ale and two renegades in the kitchen did not set up the ideal platform for a culinary masterclass!

From the pub we moved onto Tesco to collect the food and to be honest it all went downhill from there. Too much meat, not enough cooking equipment, and most critically - not enough puff pastry. We ended up making two pies with one roll of pastry, which turned out to be a terrible idea.

With the contents of the two pies in their respective vessels, we then tore the pastry in half, rolled them to size and then stretched them over and down the sides of the dishes. At this point we were brimming with confidence, still unaware that what we were doing was destined for disaster. 

So to cut a long story short, the pies were not that great. Certainly not something to write about... The lack of pastry was a real deal-breaker, which reminded me of the very old and very hard water biscuits that only come out at Christmas.

Having said all of this, great times were had in the process and this far out-weighed the gutting feeling we both had when we opened the oven to reveal the victims inside. 

The next day I was kindly invited to lunch at another friend's house. Take a guess what was on menu... 

Chicken and mushroom pie. Now at this point I had a minor feeling of terror, but then I realised that it was a Sunday, they would be sober, and more importantly they were girls. Scientific research and my personal experiences combined suggests that sober girls are much better at making pies than pissed blokes. Look...

The thing is that they prepared the mixture well before the application of the pastry. There is no room for greed in this kitchen, they also had patience in abundance. They even had a ceramic bird in the middle. 

The end result was DELICIOUS. The pastry was a perfect golden brown, so light and crispy that it literally fell apart with the slightest touch. If you can imagine what it tastes like through the pictures, double it and then it will be there or there abouts. 

The girls have kindly let me share the recipe with the readers. Even if only one person gives it a go, then this would have been more than worth it.

So two pretty contrasting experiences! But that's what it's all about right? To cook, to share, to laugh at misfortunes and to revel in success? You're goddam right it is. Thanks to all involved...

Bubble & Hana's 'Just Roll with it Mother Clucker':

Ingredients

450ml chicken stock

3 chicken breasts, skinned or chopped chicken fillets

75g butter

2 leeks, trimmed and cut

2 garlic cloves, crushed

50g plain flour

200ml milk

2-3 tbsp white wine

150ml double cream

Sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper

1. Preheat the oven to 200C/400F/Gas 6.
2. Heat chicky stock in lidded saucepan
3. Add chicken and simmer – cover and cook for 10 minutes
4. Set chicken aside on a plate and keep the chicken stock
5. Melt 25g of the butter in saucepan over low heat
6. Stir in leeks and fry until soft (stirring occasionally)
7. Add garlic – cook for 1 minute
8. Add remaining butter and stir in flour when the butter has melted
9. Cook for 30 seconds – keep stirring
10. Add milk, little by little, whilst you keep stirring
11. Then add 250ml of the chicken stock you kept from before, and the wine – keep stirring until smooth – then bring to a gentle simmer – and cook for 3 minutes.
12. Season to taste
13. Remove from heat and stir in cream – set aside in your pie dish and cover with cling film to stop a skin forming (gross!) – let it cool. (If you want to add peas it’s a nice addition)
14. Roll out your Just Roll, easy peasy.
15. Put on top of your cooled pie mixture (you may need help with this)
16. If you don’t have a ‘Pie-Bird’ make a small hole in the centre of the pie with a knife
17. Cook for 35-40 minutes or until the pie is lovely and golden on the top and the filling is piping hot
18. Enjoy your Pie – best served with mash